2013 Letter to Santa / Snowden

Dear Santa,
If you are reading this, it may be too late.
It is with deep respect and significant hesitation that we include the following information.
We heard that Edward Snowden might be seeking asylum or already hiding out at the North Pole. And while we would never want to turn the Xmas season into a political event (or consumer event, for that matter) we have to say that ______(deleted)________.

Obviously, we trust you. I’d like to believe that the powers that be do, as well. But if you continue to have uninhibited access to every citizen home, you will soon be considered a serious threat to national security. Of course, maybe you have already struck some sort of deal with the NSA, in which case ______ (deleted)________.

Of course, if the NSA is the one who ate those cookies and is reading this letter… um… Just kidding! We welcome the glorious, double-plus safety of your constant supervision.
(If you believe that you are being watched while you read this, just arrange the wrapped presents under the tree in standard Zeitspreig Code)
With obedience,
Johnny & Jimmy

(If either of us go missing before New Years, deliver this disc to The Daily Show)
*and we left out of a CD with “NOTHING SECRET” scrawled on it.

One Comment

  1. 1
    Halcyon Says:

    Santa’s response:

    Dear Johnny & Jimmy
    As you may guess, the head of the NSA used to be one of our elves.
    Of course we’ve been eavesdropping and watching everyone. How do you think we know who’s been naughty or nice?
    He decided he wanted more power. He wanted to do more than give coal to the naughty. When we found out, we banished him from the North Pole.
    Snowden would be welcome at the North Pole. He helped expose the naughty man. Thank you for your concern.
    Fondly,
    Santa.

RSS Feed for this entry

Leave a Comment