Odd gifts I've left for Santa & personal thoughts on the season.

Rev. Caleb Shikles (1912-2007) Xmas Blessing

December 22nd, 2016

My grandpa dropping some serious wisdom in his 92nd year.

Trump vs. Xmas

December 22nd, 2016

(My brother posted this text as a comment. I had to turn it into a video.)

2015 (The Santa Force Returns)

December 25th, 2015

Dear Santa,
While many wonder how you travel around the world in a night or go up and down chimneys, we know the truth. It is pretty obvious that you are a Jedi Knight.
Maybe it is the proximity to the North Pole that kicks your midiclorians into high gear. It takes some Yoda-like Force to be able to know who is naughty and who is nice.
Despite all the FOX news rhetoric against the “rebel scum,” we are proud to have you – or any Jedi – in our home.
If you have a free sec, could you answer a few questions about your adventures and alternative lifestyle?
1. Is being on the Naughty List a reliable predictor of who succumbs to the Dark Side?
2. Are Prancer, Blitzen and Donner actually Wookies?
3. Can your sleigh make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs?
4. Did Mrs. Claus ever date Lando Calrissian?
Thanks for all you do for the children of the Earth– and for the ones in galaxies far, far away.
Jimmy & Johnny

Dear Jimmy and Johnny,
I’m amazed that it’s taken so long for my true identity to be figured out. Of course I’m a Jedi Knight. Only the intense training by the Masters could have prepared me for this yearly journey. I spend my year honing my skills with the Force.
As to your questions. I never wish to put anyone on the naughty list. However, it’s sometimes necessary. The Dark Side can be very powerful. I always hope they can be turned around toward good.
As to my sleigh, I do cover a large area in a short night, but twelve parsecs is plenty of time. I’m able to cover the earth and galaxies far, far away. It’s all in the manual.
You’ll have to ask Mrs. Claus about the last question. Lando and I are no longer on speaking terms since his last visit.
Remember to stay on the Nice List and May the Force be with You.
Till next year,

2013 Letter to Santa / Snowden

December 24th, 2013

Dear Santa,
If you are reading this, it may be too late.
It is with deep respect and significant hesitation that we include the following information.
We heard that Edward Snowden might be seeking asylum or already hiding out at the North Pole. And while we would never want to turn the Xmas season into a political event (or consumer event, for that matter) we have to say that ______(deleted)________.

Obviously, we trust you. I’d like to believe that the powers that be do, as well. But if you continue to have uninhibited access to every citizen home, you will soon be considered a serious threat to national security. Of course, maybe you have already struck some sort of deal with the NSA, in which case ______ (deleted)________.

Of course, if the NSA is the one who ate those cookies and is reading this letter… um… Just kidding! We welcome the glorious, double-plus safety of your constant supervision.
(If you believe that you are being watched while you read this, just arrange the wrapped presents under the tree in standard Zeitspreig Code)
With obedience,
Johnny & Jimmy

(If either of us go missing before New Years, deliver this disc to The Daily Show)
*and we left out of a CD with “NOTHING SECRET” scrawled on it.

2012 Letter to Santa

December 23rd, 2013

Dear Santa,
This is pretty embarrassing.
We totally thought the world was going to end on the 21st. Our Mayan contacts have been so trustworthy up ‘til now. (They were the ones who told us to hoard Beanie Babies a decade ago.)
In any case, while we are happy to be alive, we find ourselves woefully ill-prepared for Xmas gift giving. (We also wrote a bunch of checks last week that I’m pretty sure are going to bite us in the butt.)
Normally we like to leave you something special, but this year we’ll have to be satisfied with just being alive. If the post-solstice, Age of Aquarius vibration shift ends up altering our DNA and giving us cool mutations like flight or teleportation, we promise to visit you soon in the North Pole.

In the meantime we remain humble & grateful,
Jimmy & Johnny, Xmas Eve 2012


2010 Medical Card

October 31st, 2011

2010 letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
With such a long & stressful night ahead of you, we wanted to leave you a little herbal refreshment to mellow your vibe.
BTW, do you have a medical card, yet?
We went ahead and got you one so you can avoid hassle with the Cali police.
We should warn you that this is pretty strong stuff. If you get too foggy & you’re high as a kite, Rudolph can guide your sleigh tonight. (He doesn’t partake in “reindeer games” so he’s an awesome designated sleigh driver.)
Anyhoo, Thanks so much for being such an awesome “Gifting” role model. You truly are an inspiration.
Thanks again for all you do.
Jimmy & Johnny
p.s. If you are not a smoker, just leave this underneath the tree of any college student.

Santa's medicinal mistletoe card

2009 Future Fashion

December 24th, 2009

Dear Santa,
We at the Eggnography Institute for Yuletide Research are dedicated to maximizing the Xmas experience for all good little boys and girls (plus related icons and subsidiaries.)
Due to recent climate change research we can no longer endorse the current “Father Christmas” uniform that has been used consistently in recent decades. (With the noted exception of the “Neon Santa” outfit that was used briefly during the 80’s.)

Read more »

2008 Milk & Cookies Substitute

December 26th, 2008

(letter & gift out on Xmas eve 2008)
Dear Santa,
The economic downturn has been tough on all of us. And while we’re not privy to your financial statements, the number of kids asking for ipods and cell phones can NOT be making things any easier for you.
But not to worry!
We have been tossing around some ideas and we think we have some rock-solid ideas to help you maximize profits and avoid any Elfin layoffs.

We’ve come up with 2 new revenue streams for you:

1) Leverage your good name.
(Not in a tacky way, of course.) We have a couple suggestions right off the bat and have initiated talks with Procter and Gamble (for a “Candy Cane” scented line of hair and beard grooming products) as well as the Nestle corporation (see prototype candy packaging attached to this note.)

2) Hire out the Elf workforce during the off season.
There are hundreds of options, but the obvious one to start with are as stunt men for children (duh! Maybe you are already doing this?) We also have some interested parties who would like to get started on some miniature re-enactments of Civil War battles.

Look, we love you and don’t mean to tell you how to do your business. But times are tough and we hate to see you (or any Elf families) suffer.

Jimmy & Johnny

AWESOME Reply from santa after the cut
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“Commerce Inquisition”

December 24th, 2008

Merry Xmas!!!
(substitute your faith of choice for “X”)
I love the Xmas season.
For me, this is the time I can use my fireplace in Southern California without guilt and reflect on the wonderful memories of the past 12 months.

The fact that we have a big Santa-based holiday to enjoy on Dec 25th makes it all the better. I say “Santa-based” because there seems to be much more energy invested in gift giving & decorating than anything Christ-focused. I don’t say that critically! In fact, it’s a shame this season still has the attachment to a specific faith. It would be great to be able to enjoy a celebration of love without feeling like it was excluding Jews, Hindu’s or Ninjas.
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Letter to Santa 2007 (read at HugNation 12.23.08)

December 23rd, 2008

During HugNation today, I read the letter my brother and I left for Santa last year on Xmas eve.

I LOVE our xmas eve tradition.

Santa’s response after the cut…
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1) 2007’s (web 2.0) Letter for Santa

December 25th, 2007

Last year we left this (travel-safe) bottle


December 10th, 2007

This Burning Man-Inspired Tale has become a new Holiday classic.

4) 2006 SANTA GIFT

December 9th, 2007

And the note that my brother & I left with the box…
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